We're not in Singapore?
by Shae Elven Heart
Summary: Two girls get the surprise of their lives when certain people randomly show up on their doorstep. Insanity and hilarity ensues.
1. Who the hell is in my attic?

It was a hot summer in San Antonio, Texas, so naturally Megan decided that it was wisest to stay indoors where it didn't feel like a blazing inferno. It was 8:00 on a Friday morning and she had gone to sleep at 2 AM, so she was understandably groggy as she shuffled about doing her daily chores. She went downstairs carrying a load of laundry and saw that her mother had left a message on the answering machine.

"_Hey, Megan, remember to clean up, do the laundry, and put the dishes in the microwave—er—dishwasher, I mean. Well, we're doing good here in Corpus, just call us if you need anything!_"

Megan made a face at the answering machine and muttered an "I know!" She turned to put the basket of laundry on the washer when her fluffy black cat Garry decided to randomly plop down in her path while she was crossing the kitchen floor and send the basket of laundry and her one hundred and plus pounds crashing to the floor. After making sure that nothing was broken, she turned to glare at Garry, who looked back at her innocently.

"You. Suck. Other. Male. Cats." Garry got up and scurried over to his food bowl.

"Meow?"

"No." She heaved herself up and started gathering the laundry that was scattered on the kitchen floor. After sorting it and putting a load in the washer, she decided that the house was too quiet and went over to her laptop computer to start up Limewire. Soon she was jamming to Aerosmith's and Run DMC's "Walk this way," as she washed the dishes. In the middle of the song Garry and her other female tortoiseshell cat, Ning-ning decided to start running full speed around the house like they were high on catnip. She rolled her eyes and ignored them until she heard a few crashes and something heavy falling down the stairs. Megan gasped and abandoned the dishes to go see what was wrong.

"CATS!" she yelled, ready to whip some feline butt if they had broken anything. She rounded the corner to the stairwell and froze in fear. At the bottom of the stairs lay a man wearing a dirty old fashioned uniform who appeared to be unconscious. Carefully, she knelt down next to him and began to feel for a pulse. She fell over backwards, staring at the man in horror. "OH MY GOD, THERE'S A DEAD GUY IN MY HOUSE!"

"Oh, this is your house? Sorry about that, love." Megan nearly had a heart attack when she saw who was descending the stairs. The man paused and looked up, frowning, and then fixed her with a curious stare. "Am I in Singapore?"

Megan fainted.

* * *

Jack saw the girl's eyes roll back into her head before she fell over near to where Beckett lay.

"Oh, well that's just peachy." Jack looked around at the lavishly decorated Oriental-looking room and then went around the corner where the kitchen was. He shrugged to himself and filled a rather large glass with water from the sink, and then went back and splashed it on Beckett and the girl. The girl woke immediately, gasping and sitting up while Beckett clutched his head and groaned, remaining where he was on the floor. The girl stood and backed away from them.

"Who the hell are you people?" she demanded.

"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, love." She glared at Jack suspiciously, and then Beckett spoke up. Or yelled, rather.

"MR. MERCER! Come seize this scoundrel and then fetch me some ice for my head!" Jack and the girl gawked at him. The girl disappeared into the kitchen and Jack followed, wanting to look around more.

"Interesting place you've got here—oh bugger." Jack was staring at the end of a very thick and very pointy butcher's knife. The girl glared at him.

"I'm giving you and your friend two minutes to get out of my house, or I'm going Kung Pow on you." Jack thought for a moment.

"Just one question: am I in China or Singapore?" Jack asked.

"You're in Texas, now GET OUT!" The girl brandished the tip of the knife closer to him. Jack backed up.

"Hold on—Texas? Where the bloody hell is that? Russia? Mongolia?" The girl looked at him like he was an idiot. "Now, love, I'm sorry to have scared you, but at the moment I have no bloody idea where I am, so stabbing me still won't do anything to solve the problem of finding out where we bloody are! Savvy?" The girl slowly lowered her weapon, but she still looked suspicious.

"How'd you get in here?" she asked.

"Well, I had just got into an argument with Lord Beckett and we were having a bit of a tussle over me compass. All of a sudden, we lost our footing and there was a flash of light. Next thing I knew, I'm looking at a fluffy little beastie running past me and Beckett's tumbling down the stairs." After he was finished telling his story, he leaned against the counter and watched the girl process what she just heard.

"Oh my gosh," she said. "This is just like a fanfic!" She put the knife down much to Jack's relief and then went over to him. She grabbed his right arm and pulled the sleeve up. Sure enough, there was the P brand and the sparrow tattoo. She gaped at him.

"See something you like, love?" he said, showing his gold teeth in a grin.

"You're Jack Sparrow. And that dude lying down is Cutler Beckett." The girl looked like she was about to faint again.

"Captain Jack Sparrow, love."

"I believe it's LORD Beckett, madam."

* * *

Lord Cutler Beckett was furious to discover that he was lying on the floor with a throbbing head and Mr. Mercer was nowhere to be seen. He had finally gotten up and saw that he was no longer in his office, nor anywhere remotely close to his office. He walked around the corner to where there were voices and saw Jack Sparrow conversing with a brown-haired Asian-looking girl. He heard her say his name, albeit incorrectly. 

"I believe it's LORD Beckett, madam," he said. The other two turned to look at him. The girl slowly approached him until they were eye to eye and then placed her hand above her head and extended it out to above his.

"The rumors are true, then," the girl said, smirking. "You _are_ rather short."

"I _beg_ your pardon!" Beckett said furiously. How dare this girl! Who did she think she is?

"I'm not taking this anymore!" he yelled. "I'm leaving!" He marched towards where the glass sliding door was in the kitchen and ran smack into it. He rubbed his forehead where it had hit the glass and then turned and glared at the other two, who were trying to hide their laughter. "Oh, very funny!"

"Okay, that was funny as hell, I've got to admit," said the girl. "But why don't we all just sit down, have a drink and sort this all out?"

"Please do," said Cutler grumpily.

* * *

Megan cleared off the small round breakfast table in the kitchen and set down three glasses of iced tea. Beckett and Jack took the seats farthest from each other and Megan sat in the middle. 

"Right," she said, glancing at them both. Jack had taken a sip of his glass and made a disgusted look while Beckett remained stoic but took a well-sized gulp. "First thing's first. My name is Megan, this is my parent's house and mine…and we are presently located in America. Not to mention that the year is now 2007." She sat back and let it all sink in. Just then, the phone rang, startling both Jack and Beckett. Megan got up calmly and answered it.

"Hello?"

"JESUS WAS IN MY CLOSET!" She cringed and held the receiver a foot away from her ear. Jack and Beckett stared, and Megan was pretty sure that they had clearly heard what was said.

"Tawny?" she said tentatively. "Are you okay?"

"NO, I'M NOT OKAY, I OPENED UP MY CLOSET EXPECTING TO SEE CLOTHES, AND INSTEAD I SAW JESUS!"

"Tawny, calm down. So where is Jesus now?" asked a bewildered Megan, putting it on speakerphone. Unfortunately, it just made Tawny's voice louder.

"I didn't know what to do, he was just right there and I almost wet myself, so I grabbed my lamp and hit him on the head! HE'S NOT MOVING!" It was Megan's turn to yell.

"WHAT THE HELL, TAWNY! YOU ATTACKED JESUS?! WHAT IF THIS IS JUDGEMENT DAY, TAWNY?! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL FOR ATTACKING JESUS!" A sob came from the other end of the phone.

"I know! And I don't think my being bisexual will help much!" wailed Tawny. Beckett's eyes widened and Jack smirked.

"Okay, Tawny? Just—make sure Jesus doesn't get away and I'll come over to your house, I guess. Um, but I'm bringing some people, too, and don't freak when you answer the door."

"But what are we gonna do?" asked Tawny frantically.

"I-I-I guess we c-can explain to Jesus why you attacked him and get it all cleared up," replied Megan, getting to be freaked out. She heard a bang from Tawny's end. "What was that?!"

"It was coming from the ceiling!" said Tawny. "OH, GREAT, DON'T TELL ME SATAN IS IN MY ATTIC!"

"Tawny, hold on! I'm heading over there right now!" Megan hung up and grabbed her keys and purse from the kitchen counter. She looked at the two Pirates of the Caribbean characters. "Follow me." The men exchanged looks with one another and then trailed Megan through the living room and out the front door to her car. She opened both passenger side doors and said, "Get in."

"There are so many houses here!" observed Beckett. Megan grabbed him and pushed him down into the backseat. Jack got into the front passenger seat while she buckled Beckett's seat belt and then she did his. She closed their doors and then went around to the driver's side and got in.

"It's positively sweltering in here!" Beckett complained. Megan rolled her eyes and started up the car. Cool air drifted in through the vents and Jack put his face right up against one with his mouth wide open.

"Don't do that." Jack gave her a look, but sat back in his chair. As soon as she backed out of the driveway, they were off.

* * *

Tawny had sat against her front door chewing her nails nervously and was relieved when the doorbell rang. She opened it to see Megan standing beside Jack Sparrow and Cutler Beckett. She stared for a moment and then offered her arm to Jack. 

"Pinch me, please." Jack obliged rather willingly. "Ow! Damn." She stepped aside to let them in. "Let's talk to Jesus first and see if he can get rid of Satan."

"Are you sure that—?" Megan started to say, but there was a loud banging noise that came from above them along with a scream. "Um…yeah, I'd say you have hell in your attic."

"Ya think?" Tawny snapped. She led them into her room where she had tied the closet handles together and pushed a small bookshelf in front of it. The other three gawked at the sight.

"Geez, did you have to barricade him in like that?" remarked Megan. Tawny ignored her and pushed the bookshelf away before untying the handles and opening the closet. A look of recognition sparked on both Jack and Beckett's faces at the sight of the man with long brown hair.

"Sorry to tell you this, love, but that man is a _far_ cry from Jesus," said Jack. Beckett grabbed a random glass of water off of Tawny's dresser and splashed it on the man. The man opened his eyes and gazed at them.

"Funny that we meet again, Norrington," said Beckett.

"NORRINGTON?!" spat Tawny and Megan. Norrington glared Tawny suspiciously.

"You attacked me," he growled.

"Sorry," said Tawny. "But if you're not Jesus and you're in my closet, then who the hell is in my attic?" She stormed out of her room followed by Megan and the Pirates gang and went down the hall over to where a random piece of rope hung down from the ceiling and pulled on it. A figure tumbled down the revealed attic staircase with a squeak.

Elizabeth Swann looked up at them, a look of utter confusion etched upon her face. An evil grin spread across Tawny's face as she helped her up.

"Why couldn't _you_ have popped into my closet instead?" Everyone turned to look strangely at Tawny.

"Where am I?" asked Elizabeth, gazing around at Tawny's small one story house.

"That's what I would like to know," said Norrington.

"Apparently, we seem to have been transported to the American colonies in the future," said Beckett, looking totally bored. Tawny raised an eyebrow.

"Is Ashton Kutcher starting a Punk'd series for normal people?" she asked.

Everyone in the room, including Megan, gawked at her, for they did not watch MTV.

"Ookay," she said. "Maybe not, then. Anyway, we should really start to tell them where they are."

"Please do," said Norrington, plopping down onto a sofa. Tawny squealed and shooed him out of it.

"Get off my clean furniture, you dirty Jesus look-a-like!"

"Unhand me, you scantily clad scarlet woman!" Norrington pulled his arm away from her.

"Oh yeah? Well…you…you…" Tawny ran out of ideas for what to call him and just glared.

"Okay!" Megan stepped in between them. "How's about we stop fighting, and sit down and discuss this whole situation?"

"Sounds good to me," Norrington said. "If only _that woman_ would allow me to sit!" Megan sighed.

"Tawny, let the man sit on a lawn chair, for goodness' sake!"

"Fine!" Tawny went out onto the porch and retrieved the flimsiest plastic chair she could find and set it in front of Norrington.

"Thank you, _madam_." Tawny merely sat in the loveseat beside Elizabeth and smirked. Megan sat in between Beckett and Jack on the sofa. Norrington sighed and settled himself into the uncomfortable lawn chair.

"Okay," said Tawny. "Well, my name is Tawny Martinez and I'm twenty years old…and I don't know what else to say, so I'm gonna hand it over to Megan." Megan rolled her eyes.

"My name is Megan and I'm eighteen years old. I know you've been wondering why we know your names, but that's because your stories are legendary." All of the Pirates characters exchanged pleased looks. "Somehow all of you have been transported into the future to the year 2007. Not to mention you showed up in random places."

"Norrington came out of the closet," giggled Tawny. Norrington just looked confused. Megan hid her face in her hands trying to hide her laughter as the Pirates crew blinked dumbly.

"What is this place called?" asked Elizabeth.

"Like Beckett said earlier, we're in a country that was once the American colonies," said Tawny. "Eventually the colonies broke away from Britain and became its own country. Today we call it the United States of America and it consists of fifty states. The one that we're located in right now is called Texas."

"Why did only us four get transported?" asked Jack, gesturing to himself and the other fictional characters. "Where's me crew? Where's the Pearl?"

"I don't think we can answer that," said Megan. She looked around at all of the Pirates characters and noticed how out of place they looked. "What we need to do is find a way to settle you guys in and get clothes and stuff."

"Wal-Mart?"

"Wal-Mart."

_To be continued…_

* * *

Please tell me what you think! Is the insanity too insane? Is it boring? Confusing? Delicious?

Erm...scratch delicious. I was thinking of cake!


	2. Wal Mart

For the next two hours, Megan and Tawny set about trying to get the Pirates crew to look at least halfway decent for their Wal-Mart outing. Elizabeth was no problem. All she had to do was take a shower and put on clothes borrowed from Tawny. The men, however, were another story. Megan was currently searching the whole house trying to find Jack, who was refusing to bathe. Beckett had dressed in what they had given him but refused to give up his wig for a baseball cap and Norrington scoffed at the baggy jeans Tawny had presented him with.

"If I may ask, who wore this last? An elephant?" he asked.

"No. My ex-boyfriend. I kicked him out last week," replied Tawny, still trying to snatch the wig off of Beckett's head. Beckett glared and swatted her hand away with a couch cushion.

"I'm _not_ wearing these," protested Norrington. Tawny sent him an icy glare.

"You will." The glare didn't faze him one bit.

"I will not."

"You _will_."

"I will _not_."

"You will!"

"I will not!"

"You will, or you're wearing a dress!" yelled Tawny. Norrington sighed and picked up the pair of jeans. He sent her a glare on his way out as he went to go shower and change. Elizabeth emerged from Tawny's room wearing a blue denim knee-length skirt and a black T-shirt that said Hollywood across the chest. Tawny grinned at Elizabeth's expression of discomfort and successfully snatched the wig from Beckett as he was checking out Elizabeth's legs. Beckett gave a cry of protest and started chasing Tawny around the living room. Megan came down the attic not having found Jack and observed the scene with a raised eyebrow.

All of a sudden they heard a loud yell come from Tawny's bedroom and everyone froze and looked toward the noise. Jack Sparrow came into view, running for his life and chasing after him was a freshly showered and shirtless Norrington. There was a moment when all three girls' eyebrows raised appreciatively, and then they all ran to stop Norrington from trying to shoot Jack with a hair dryer. Jack was backed into a corner with his arms in front of him for defense.

"Parlay?" he asked timidly. Norrington grinned and aimed the hair dryer straight at Jack's heart.

"I've been waiting for this day," he said.

"That's not a gun, you idiot!" yelled Tawny, whacking Norrington repeatedly with Beckett's wig.

"James, please, stop it!" begged Elizabeth. Norrington glanced at her and then surrendered the hair dryer to Megan.

"I believe he may have seen you changing, Elizabeth," he growled. "He was hiding in the closet." Elizabeth's eyes widened and then her expression changed to anger. She stormed over to Jack and smacked him across the face. Tawny bit her lip, trying not to laugh as Elizabeth started yelling at him. She turned to Norrington.

"So I see you've been putting in a few hours in the gym," she said, fluttering her eyelashes. He frowned at her in confusion.

"Excuse me?" Tawny giggled and put a hand on his chest.

"Can I call you James?" Norrington quickly pulled away from Tawny's grasp.

"No…Excuse me, but I have a need to put on more clothing." Norrington scurried away and shut himself in Tawny's room. Meanwhile, Megan and Elizabeth were trying to wrestle Jack into the bathtub as an amused Beckett looked on.

"You know, you could try helping us instead of just sitting there!" grunted Megan as Jack tried poking her with his elbow. Beckett turned up his nose.

"I'd rather not."

"ARRGH!" yelled Megan, starting to lose her cool. "Jack, get in the bathtub _now_!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"I have peanuts!" Jack stopped struggling and grinned at her.

"I'm listenin', love."

"Good. You take a shower and change into the clothes we gave you, and I will give you peanuts afterwards. Savvy?" said Megan.

"I'm starting to like you, love, but savvy is _my_ word," said Jack. "Savvy?" Megan broke into one of her rare grins.

"Whatever, Jack." Everyone except Jack filed out of the bathroom and gaped at Tawny, who was trying to spy on Norrington through her keyhole.

"To the right, precious," Tawny was muttering. "Step to the right. The right!"

"Tawny, you perv!" said Megan. She pulled Tawny away from the door. "You should be labeled as a sex offender!"

"You and Elizabeth were checking him out, too!" scoffed Tawny.

"Yes, but we weren't trying to spy on him through a keyhole!" retorted Megan.

"Ladies, ladies!" said Beckett, coming between them. "We mustn't bicker over such trivial things."

"Can it, shorty," snapped Tawny. "And look, you've tucked your shirt into your pants!" Beckett looked thoroughly startled when she started pulling his shirt out of his pants, although he didn't protest.

Megan rapped on the door to Tawny's room.

"James, come out right now! It does not take that long to put on a shirt," she said.

"Which one are you?" came Norrington's voice form the other side of the door.

"It's Megan. Don't worry, we've got Tawny on a leash." Tawny glared at her friend. Norrington cautiously stepped out and only relaxed when Tawny made no immediate signs of trying to jump on him.

"Jack, hurry up!" said Tawny, knocking on the bathroom door. To everyone's surprise, the door opened right away, revealing Jack, who was dressed in a pair of black jeans and a gray shirt. He held up a small bottle of clear liquid.

"What is K-Y Jel—?" Jack started to ask, but Tawny snatched the bottle from Jack, threw it randomly into the bathroom and shut the door. Tawny glared at everyone, blushing furiously. Megan looked shocked and was making involuntary gagging noises.

"Ready, everyone?" said Tawny through clenched teeth. "Let's go.

* * *

The ride to Wal-Mart was anything but uneventful. Elizabeth screeched every time a car horn sounded (Tawny was a terrible driver) and every time they stopped at a traffic light one of the men would say, "What are you waiting for? Move!" Jack even tried to push Norrington out of the van, but couldn't get the door open because Tawny had put on the child-proof lock.

"That was interesting," muttered Megan as they got out of the van. Jack started to wander off, but Tawny caught a hold of his arm. As soon as they walked into the store, Tawny went off with Jack and Elizabeth and Megan stayed with Norrington and Beckett. The two teens bought the four two outfits each along with a few necessities. When they got back home, Tawny pulled Megan aside.

"Meggie," said Tawny. "I'm about to ask you the biggest favor ever.

"You're asking me to watch over them tonight."

"Yes, but only because I have work early in the morning and you're a jobless hobo." Tawny turned to the others who were still getting out of the van. "Okay, everybody, into the car because you're going home with Megan tonight! Toodles!"

"Hold on," said Megan. "You want me to take them _now_?"

"Would you?" asked Tawny, putting on puppy dog eyes. Megan sighed.

"Fine," she said. "But you owe me one." Tawny pranced into her house leaving Megan to usher everyone into her car. Norrington sat in the front and Beckett, Elizabeth and Jack sat in the back. Once they arrived at her house, they debated over the sleeping arrangements. Megan decided that Elizabeth should get the guest room and the men could sleep on air mattresses in the loft. Jack declined and said that he would rather sleep on the couch in the living room. Megan showed everyone around the house and turned on the TV in the livingroom for them to watch.

"Alright," said Megan when everything was settled. "Country fried steak and mashed potatoes for dinner!" She pranced into the kitchen to start cooking.

Little did she know that the others were a bit preoccupied staring at the person who had just appeared in the middle of the living room.


	3. Swimsuit models

Megan had all the ingredients gathered and was about to begin cooking and noticed that it was rather quiet. Too quiet.

"Guys?" she asked tentatively, peeking around the corner. She could only see Elizabeth and Norrington from where she was at, and they both looked absolutely shocked. Perhaps they had come across a porn channel? She walked briskly around the corner and promptly dropped the packet of gravy she had been holding. The person sitting in the middle of the living room floor turned their head her way, their right eye shortly following their gaze. Megan stood blinking at him for a moment as the others were doing. Then her eyes widened with sudden realization and she let out a very loud, very uncharacteristic squeal.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

* * *

"OHMYGAWD! GET AWAY FROM MEEEEE! GET AWAY! GET AWAAAAAAY!" Tawny grabbed random items from her bedside table and started throwing them at the person in her bed room. Said person was slowly advancing on her, giving her a filthy-mouthed grin as all the items failed to hit him.

"'Ello, poppet." Tawny stopped and stared.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…?"

"Oh, HELL NO, you did not just time travel into my room! Of all people! I could've had Will, but no! YOU! I probably wouldn't have even minded Barbossa!" ranted Tawny. The man stopped in his tracks, looking confused.

"Wot?"

"Don't tell me that guy with the eye is here, too!"

"Who, Ragetti? 'Ave you seen 'im?" Tawny blinked and then grabbed her phone and hit speed dial for Megan's house.

"This is not cool," she muttered.

* * *

The phone rang and this time even Megan jumped. She practically ran to answer it.

"Hello? Tawny? Oh God, you don't wanna know who just showed up at my house!" There was a short pause. "You've got Pintel? Well, I've got Ragetti! You know, the one with the eye." There was another pause. "What?! You're bringing him HERE?! Tawny?...Hello?...Oh, that's just great!" Megan slammed down the phone and plopped down into a recliner with her hands over her eyes. Elizabeth stood and went to console the younger girl. Megan felt tears stinging her eyes but she refused to let them go. The men watched awkwardly from the couch while glancing between them and the television.

"This is too much. Something like this happens and Tawny has to dump it all on me!" A bubbling sound came from the kitchen and Megan sprung up, nearly knocking Elizabeth off of her feet. "Oh, crap! I'm burning supper!" She raced into the kitchen with Elizabeth on her heels. Together they managed to salvage most of the concoction that had been boiling over in its pot and then started dipping the chicken in the batter for it to be fried. They could hear the men in the next room talking in awed voices about the show that was on the television. The doorbell rang thirty minutes later and Megan ran to get it.

"'Ello, poppet!" Pintel stood on her doorstep smirking and she saw Tawny trying to hide in the shadows, also smirking.

"Ha ha. Come in, I've got dinner cooking." Pintel and Tawny followed her through the door. They left Pintel to sit in the living room with Ragetti and the others and went into the kitchen where Elizabeth was stirring the gravy.

"Is this what you have for dinner every time your parents are away? If so, I've gotta come over more often!" said Tawny, lifting the lid off a pot to check its contents.

"No, I'm doing this because we've got to feed everyone. I don't think they would appreciate peanut butter jelly sandwiches for dinner." Promptly after that was said, the two modern girls broke out into giggles. Elizabeth looked at them curiously.

"Sorry, inside joke. It's a long story. It involves the peanut butter jelly dance," explained Tawny. Elizabeth just blinked, so Tawny shrugged and started explaining the whole thing. While the two were talking, Megan went into the pantry to gather the serving dishes to put the food in. A shadow fell across her and she looked up to see Jack leaning against the doorway. She started to speak but he took a step into the tiny pantry, decreasing the space between them. They stood there for a moment just looking at each other.

"I'm still waitin' for my peanuts, love," he said. Megan snapped out of her little reverie.

"Oh," she said. "Sorry." She grabbed a can of Planters peanuts off of the shelf and handed it to him, blushing. "Dinner should be ready, by the way. Could you tell the others?"

"Sure, darling." Jack gave her a grin before swaggering out of the pantry. Megan stood there for a minute grinning stupidly and then returned to her duty of putting the food into the serving trays.

All three girls helped set the table. Norrington and Beckett were already seated at the table, but Pintel, Ragetti and Jack insisted that they wanted to continue watching television, so Megan set their plates on the coffee table in front of them. The remaining five sat at the table, and soon they made conversation. Norrington had a lot of questions about various objects around the room from the cats' scratching post to Megan's high school graduation photo. Beckett asked rather boring questions about United States economy and became annoyed when Megan moved her hand like a talking mouth, saying, "This is what you are doing. This is what I want you to do," as she closed her fingers together. Elizabeth talked with Tawny about modern society and asked the differences between now and the past. Tawny looked like she was thoroughly enjoying herself. After Megan's comment, Beckett turned up his nose and relocated himself to the rocking chair to watch TV, leaving Megan to talk to Norrington. By the end of the conversation, she felt as if she were a search engine considering how many questions she had answered. She sighed when he caught sight of her laptop and eagerly began asking questions.

"What are all these pictures for?" asked Norrington, playing with the laptop's mouse pad and making the cursor whiz across the screen. Megan had opened up her My Documents folder for demonstration since it had the most versatile content.

"Well, the ones that look like paper with the W on it are called Word documents, and it's like writing on paper, except you have to push the letter buttons and it shows up on the screen." Megan pulled up an empty Word document and then proceeded to teach him how to type. "Now try typing your name. Remember, the Shift key capitalizes and this long one is for spaces." Norrington slowly typed out the letters, having to search for the letters on the keyboard.

"It would be much easier if these were in order," he muttered. "What do you have written on the other ones?" Megan turned red and slowly clicked back to the My Documents folder.

"They're stories that I write," she said, stammering. "They're mostly based around books or movies that I see. People call it fan fiction writing."

"Do you have your work published?" asked Norrington.

"I do have some stories posted on a website, but they're not famous or anything. I just do it for fun."

"May I read one of these?" Megan looked stunned.

"You actually want to read my stories?" He nodded, looking interested.

"Um…okay. Well…this one was based around a TV show that I watch a lot. The show's called CSI and it's basically about people that help solve crimes by focusing on the evidence left at the crime scene. And…in this story an original character comes to work with the other characters. It's not finished, but I think it's the best one that I've got, so that's the one I'll show you." She opened the document and awkwardly stood to the side as he read it. Megan had never really been comfortable letting people read her work as she was present. As it was, Norrington had at least two or three chapters to read, so she set about clearing off the table.

Meanwhile, Jack, Pintel, Ragetti and Beckett were watching an infomercial about scooter chairs for the elderly.

"I want one of those. You wouldn't 'ave to walk," said Pintel. "You'd just…roll."

"I want to know how those work," said Ragetti. "How are they moving it? They don't seem to be moving a muscle."

"What I want to know," said Jack. "Is how you ended up with the remote, thus dooming the rest of us to watch old hags roll around like lazy bastards when we could be watching something more interesting, like that girl that was washing a car and eating a sandwich at the same time." All of them wolf-whistled in remembrance.

"I say that you give me the remote and we search for something more interesting," said Beckett.

"Aye," said Jack. "Except that I'll have the remote. You might come across something about the history of the East India Trading Company and we'd all be doomed to hell." Beckett glared and crossed his arms. Soon enough with Jack's navigation with the remote control, they had come across a beauty pageant and lucky for the men, the contestants were modeling swimsuits.

"This is the day when you will all graciously thank Captain Jack Sparrow," uttered Jack as they all gawked at the screen.

* * *

"You mean women in this century are allowed to wear that?" asked Elizabeth, her eyes widening at the sight of the women in bikinis. Norrington peeked over the top of the laptop in curiosity. His eyes widened and he disappeared back behind the laptop so that all that anyone could see was his reddened forehead.

"Yeah, but it's only for at the beach or around water. I have a swimsuit like that, but I wear a little wrap around cover with it, because my butt's too big," said Tawny. Elizabeth reddened and Tawny tried not to laugh. "It's okay though. No one's going to ask you to strip _here_."

Tawny cringed and mentally slapped herself for putting emphasis on the word "here." She grinned and turned the conversation to a more comfortable subject for Elizabeth.

* * *

"I enjoyed reading your story. That Hodges seems like a very cross man," said Norrington coming to stand beside Megan as she washed dishes. She blushed deeply and put on a shy grin.

"He is at times. I…I plan on having him meet his match with Primavera," she said quietly. "Although…I haven't found enough inspiration to continue writing at the moment."

"Why not?"

"I had been preoccupied with too many things. Stress from school. It was my last year." She rearranged silverware on the drying rack in order to do something with her hands. "I'm trying not to appear completely useless around the house."

"How do you mean?" Norrington frowned. "You seem perfectly capable of running a household."

"This isn't my house, though. I'm still living with my parents," said Megan. "They're gone for a week to vacation at the coast." They both jumped as a crash of thunder sounded loudly outside. The lights flickered and then everything was silent.

"NOOOO!" Megan dashed into the living room with Norrington on her heels.

"What happened?" she asked frantically. The room was pitch-black.

"The TV shut off while they were watching swimsuit models," said Tawny from her place at the table.

"Oh." Megan blindly waved that off, whacking Norrington in the process. "Sorry. Um…well, I'm gonna look for a flashlight." She set off in the direction she thought was the kitchen but ended up tripping on her slippers and falling over the armchair into Beckett's lap. Both let out a yell and a thud was heard as Beckett deposited Megan onto the floor. Megan cursed and rubbed her butt as she got up from the floor.

"This is going to be a long night."


	4. Cat vomit

I finally get another chapter up! I tried to incorporate Megan's birthday into this, but sadly it wouldn't work out with the plotline. But her birthday's tomorrow along with Antonio Banderas! Mwahaha! Also, I'm starting community college classes next week, so chapter updates may be even sparser!

* * *

Megan and Tawny had lit several candles around the living and dining areas and set flashlights nearby in case they needed them. Overhead the storm was poring down hard and occasionally there was a flash of lightning accompanied by thunder. Everyone just sat around trying to amuse themselves with something or other. Ragetti and Pintel were looking through the vast DVD collection and snickering at some of the titles and covers. Beckett sat in the recliner rocking slowly and looking deep in thought. Megan and Tawny were playing a weird sort of air hockey on the dining table with sponges and a coaster as Elizabeth and Norrington watched. Jack was content to lie on the sofa with his hat over his eyes. Garry had hopped up and snuggled next to him, purring.

"I win," said Tawny as the coaster flew off the side of the table and hit Norrington in the chest.

"No way," said Megan. "That went off the side. It's supposed to go my way."

"As if," scoffed Tawny. "You're just mad becau--" Just then everyone froze as the tune "Greensleeves" reverberated through the air. One by one, everyone's gaze turned to Jack. Slowly, Jack lifted the hat off his eyes and dug through his shirt pocket and extracted a cell phone.

"Hey! That's mine!" said Megan, going up and snatching it from him. Everyone watched as she answered it. She spotted everyone looking at her and put her finger over the mouthpiece. "Would you mind?" Everyone went back to what they were doing, but extended an ear towards the phone conversation. Ragetti and Pintel stared openly, fascinated by the little contraption by Megan's ear. Jack and Garry stared up at Megan from their place on the couch and Beckett glared at her because she was standing in front of the potted plant he had been staring at. "Uh-huh…yeah…I'm fine but we don't have power. Sure. Really? Wow. Yeah, sure. Okay, bye." Megan hung up and caught the glare of Beckett. "What?"

"Would you mind?" said Beckett, waving his hand at her as if to shoo her away. She made a face at him and went back to the table.

"That was my mom. She said that it's storming like crazy over there and the news channel says that there might be a hurricane heading this way," said Megan. Everyone except the cat looked up with wide eyes. Ragetti's eye even popped out of its socket. "I'm gonna check the breaker and see if we can get power." She left the room and Garry leapt off of the sofa and batted at Ragetti's eye.

"Oy, kitty! Give that back!" yelled Ragetti. He lunged at Garry, who dodged and batted the eye behind the couch and squeezed in after it. Pintel and Ragetti tried to scramble after him, nearly knocking over Beckett in the recliner. Tawny jumped up from her place at the table and ran over to them.

"Hey! Stop that! It's a wooden eye! It's not like the cat's gonna eat it!"

They heard a click coming from the wall behind the TV and then the lights flickered on. A moment later, Megan walked back in and raised an eyebrow at Ragetti and Pintel, who both had an arm reaching blindly behind the couch.

"Oy, can ye get yer cat offa me eye?" said Ragetti. Megan made a face and hurried to the couch, successfully knocking over Beckett, who gave a muffled scream as he fell out of the recliner. He glared and rubbed his butt as he got to his feet.

"Garry! Let go of that eye right now! You don't know where it's been!" said Megan, peering behind the couch. She saw Garry with the eye between his teeth.

"Meow!" The cat promptly spit it out and batted it away, where it hit Megan on the hand. She shot up from the floor.

"Eew! EEW! It touched me!" said Megan, doing a "grossed out" dance. Ragetti snatched up the eye, spit on it, and replaced it in its socket with a squelch.

"You do know that's disgusting, right?" said Tawny conversationally. Ragetti just grinned. Tawny looked at the clock. "Holy cow, it's almost 11:00. I've gotta get home. See you guys tomorrow!" Everyone said their good byes and Tawny saw herself to the door. Once it shut behind her, Megan sighed.

"Better get you guys settled in," she said.

Easier said than done. Megan had to explain how to use the shower and sink not once, but three times. After that she was thoroughly annoyed that she still had to show them how to use a toothbrush. After that, she set about pumping up the air mattresses while everyone stood watching in wonder. Eventually, she filled four twin mattresses for Beckett, Norrington, Pintel, and Ragetti. Beckett and Norrington set up their beds in the loft while Pintel and Ragetti took their mattresses and nearly ran down Megan's old lady cat, Ning-ning, while mattress surfing down the stairs. Megan stormed down the stairs and gave the two a good telling off until Jack stopped her and sent her up to bed, reassuring her that he would take it from there.

* * *

Megan awoke abruptly to someone pounding on her door. She looked at the clock and saw that it was 6:30. She groaned, rolled out of bed and wrenched the door open. Standing there in the dark hallway was a very angry looking Beckett.

"Your cat," said Beckett disgustedly. "Ruined my new shirt!" He held out his pajama top and arm's length away from him and looked at it like it was bound to suddenly attack him. Megan blinked and then blushed when she finally realized that he was shirtless. Putting aside those thoughts, she took a look at the shirt that Beckett was holding.

"What happened?"

"You know perfectly well what happened!" said Beckett angrily. "Your cat…that—that brown one with all the colors—it vomited all over me!" A sound like muffled laughter came from the loft down the hall and Megan had to fight to keep a straight face.

"Um…wow, that's awful. She normally doesn't do that. I'm so sorry," said Megan in a sympathetic tone, trying to sound sincere. "Here—I'll clean that up for you." She took the shirt from Beckett, who practically ran to the sink to wash his hands the moment the offending garment left his grasp. She passed by the loft on her way downstairs and exchanged an amused glance with Norrington, who was lying on his side scratching Ning-ning behind the ears, who looked rather pleased with herself. A horrible snoring sound met her ears as she descended the stairs and she had to step over Ragetti who had somehow ended up sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs about five feet away from his air mattress. Giggling to herself, she threw the shirt in the wash and started on breakfast. Soon the smell of eggs and bacon drew everyone to the kitchen.

"Did everyone sleep well?" asked Megan, finally setting down plates on the breakfast table in the kitchen. There was a general murmur of agreement as everyone ate except for Beckett, who huffed grumpily. Megan smiled and was about to start on her own breakfast when a huge crash sounded from outside in the garage. Everyone froze and exchanged glances with one another. Megan's eyes widened in fear. "Does anyone have a sword or something?" The others felt along their belts and pockets for scabbards or knives, but they found nothing.

The noises in the garage ceased. Megan reached for the first weapon she saw, which was a frying pan. "Um…can someone back me up on this?" Pintel and Ragetti got behind her, wielding their forks and knives and grinning in anticipation of a battle. Megan took a breath, disarmed the burglar alarm and opened the garage door. The frying pan clattered loudly to the floor as Megan fainted and fell backwards. Norrington caught her before her head smacked the floor and they all looked apprehensively at the imposing figure of Hector Barbossa standing right in the doorway of the garage. He looked down at the fainted girl and then to everyone else.

"I've finally died and went to hell," he said.

* * *

Woo! Hector! Until next time, enjoy the spooky image of opening a darkened doorway only to find a big ol' scary pirate standing right there on the other side!


	5. Return to Wal Mart

A wet-faced Megan paced the length of the kitchen muttering while the others watched. Jack had taken water from the sink to splash her with again to wake her. Barbossa was picking at the breakfast plate Megan had left unattended, but she didn't seem to notice. After a few minutes of pacing and muttering, she stopped and turned to face them.

"Okay," she said. "This whole situation was really unexpected for me. I never expected that the whole lot of you would suddenly turn up in our time, and I really didn't expect stragglers to turn up, too." She glanced at Barbossa, who narrowed his eyes at her over his mouthful of bacon.

"We didn't really plan on poppin' in here, either, love," said Jack. Megan sighed. Just then the phone rang and Barbossa made a motion like drawing a sword, but there wasn't a scabbard on his belt. Everyone stared as he sat back down with a sheepish look. Megan answered the phone. When she identified the caller, she put it on speakerphone so that the rest could hear.

"Tawn, before you say anything…Barbossa just showed up in my garage," said Megan.

"What?!" Everyone stared at the phone in amusement. "Where is he now? Raiding the apple tree outside?" Megan turned to look at Barbossa and saw him staring out the window at said apple tree, which was full of green apples.

"No, but I think you just gave him an idea."

"Oh, you have this on speakerphone? Cool. Anyway, Shae called me this morning wanting to know if we could take lunch break together, and she sorta let slip that she's housing Will, Gibbs, Marty, and the monkey." Elizabeth's head shot up.

"Will," she said wistfully. Tawny snorted and Norrington rolled his eyes.

"How do you let slip that you have monkeys and pirates in your house?" Megan wondered.

"Beats me. We're talking about Shae here," said Tawny. "She wants to get together tonight and have a big pirate party."

"Oh, _great_," muttered Beckett. Pintel glared at him and cracked his knuckles. Beckett gave him a wary glance and scooted away.

"Get together where?"

"Your place. Most of them are there, anyways." Megan leaned against the counter and sighed.

"Of course. Sounds great. We'll be crowded as hell, but bring it on," she said, rolling her eyes. Ragetti giggled at her facial expression.

"What's so funny, Elizabeth?" asked Tawny. Everyone in the kitchen blinked.

"Erm…that wasn't me laughing. That was Ragetti," she said.

"Dude…Ragetti. You sound like a girl when you laugh," giggled Tawny. Ragetti blushed and sank low in his chair as some of his fellow crewmembers laughed. Megan drummed her fingers against the counter.

"Anything else, Tawny?" she asked impatiently.

"Geez. Chill out, chica! I gotta get to work, so I'll see ya later!" They hung up and Megan turned to face the others.

"Wot the hell's a chee-ka?" said Pintel.

"It's Spanish for 'girl.' Anyway, we need to go shopping again for the party tonight. I'll give y'all time to get ready and we'll go," said Megan. She started to head upstairs, but stopped and looked at Barbossa. "Um…will one of you guys lend him some clothes? Thanks."

The men exchanged reluctant glances as she left the room.

- - -

"Ragetti! Pintel! Get back here _now_!" Megan yelled, shuffling around clothes racks in pursuit of them.

"Me eye is rollin' away!" yelled Ragetti, scrambling around on his hands and knees. Passersby were starting to stare at the two rough-looking men frantically chasing a wooden eye. Finally, Pintel got a hold of it and thrust it at Ragetti. Ragetti drenched it in a wad of spit and popped it back in with a squelch. Several onlookers made noises of disgust. Megan grabbed both of them by the arm and led them away.

Meanwhile, Jack and Barbossa had wandered into the lingerie section and were staring around, jaws hanging open. A group of teenage girls walked by, giggling and batting their eyelashes. Both men gulped simultaneously. One girl had a shirt with a green apple pattern and wasn't pleased that she attracted Barbossa's apple crazed gaze.

"Take a picture, it lasts longer, ya perv!" she said, and dragged her friends along with her. Pintel, Ragetti, and Megan showed up shortly after to find Barbossa and Jack staring at the pictures of the models on the packs of underwear as if they were holy relics. Pintel and Ragetti quickly grabbed a pack for themselves and proceeded to drool all over them. Megan rolled her eyes at them.

"Have you guys seen the others?" she asked.

"I…I-I-I don't know, but I think I need a toilet," uttered Jack. He lumbered towards the dressing rooms, still clutching the pack of undies. Megan walked after him, trying to snatch the pack from him.

"You sicko! You can't take those with you into the bathroom!" she yelled. Jack ignored her and threw open one of the stalls of the dressing rooms, muttering something about toilets. To his surprise and horror, the stall was already occupied. Beckett let out a very unmanly shriek and tried to shield anyone's view of his red speedo. Jack let out a yelp and promptly dropped the pack of undies as he stepped backwards and tripped over Megan, who had dropped to the floor in the fetal position with her hands covering her eyes.

"Imbeciles! Shut the door!" yelled Beckett, and he slammed the door.

"Mental scarring!" whimpered Megan. "I can't find a happy place in my head!"

"That makes two of us, love," said Jack. Megan rolled over onto her back and opened her eyes, but found that she could see right into the stall right next to Beckett's where Norrington was admiring his rear end in some tight-fitting swim trunks. Their gazes locked in the big mirror and Norrington's face paled.

"OH MY GOD! Get out!" yelled Norrington, covering up his bottom with his T-shirt. Megan squeaked and scrambled up off of the floor. Jack looked at her curiously.

"What happened?" Megan just led him away.

"Let's get out of here. Quickly."

- - -

MUAHAHA! This was so eeevil, yet so fun to write! Cookies to Commodore Norry for the Speedo idea!


End file.
